"God not only invented the nap, but He ordained it as holy."--Jeff Dempsy

There is no such thing as good news before I've had my coffee.

Most corporate conflicts should be settled with a massive waterballon fight. Driest person standing wins?

Don't be sexist... chicks hate that...

I sort of kind of think that maybe, if you think really hard about it, that passive voice in writing should be eliminated you know or whatever.

I'm not sure if we ticked them off, but I'm pretty sure the guy running at us with the bat doesn't look too pleased...

America: The only place where racial slurs and rap albums can live together peaceably.

Political debates would probably be more interesting if they were forced to only speak in Elizabethian dialogue.... either that, or they must freestyle rap battle each other about foreign policy.

So I played that song backwards and all I got was GLIBBLEWHIBBLEFLAGFLIPPINJESUSLOVESMETHISIKNOWFLRAGGIN'!